New Short film 'Slushpuppy' (subtitled)

Hey Guys,

Wanted to share my latest project with you. It's an experimental short film I made in cooperation with the theatre-group 'Als de Beren Komen' (When the Bears are Coming) from Utrecht. It's a monologue-driven theatrical story about a man who spots, and then tries to manipulate and imagine a story on top of a random girl he encounters in the city. The tale evolves into a game of manipulation, fantasy and imagination where the balance of power slowly seems to shift.

We made the film for a local Utrecht art-festival (hence the focus on the city) but were so pleased with the end result that we decided to send it out to a broader audience.

So it's in dutch, with english subtitles.

I'm curious as to how it works for non-dutch residents!
cheers, Reinout

vimeo.com/68310432

Hmm, ok, kind of interesting. Not sure if the title translates well, I'm assuming it's the drink she favors?

Reasonably professional looking film technically.

It feels more powerful visually than narratively, in that I mean by stretching close to ten minutes we run the risk of drowning in excessive verbiage. Dialogue can carry us thru an expanse that a monologue begins to become strained in. Yes, it's his obsessive ramblings that convince him into his own demise, but I still think some of that voiceover could be trimmed a bit. Nice twist when we finally hear from her, a mysterious reappearing of the drink & then the red screen which is bold & effective.

The greatest strengths for me were the gorgeous visuals, the architecture, lighting, colorizing, the garden, the church, the canal, the bridge, many of these shots so rich in textures, were wonderful. The constant blather I feel was a bit grating. Granted, having to read subtitles is a slight detraction from the experience, understandably a native speaker should warm to this more.

In retrospect there are two directorial choices I feel are slightly incongruent. The first, when he drinks from her cup & then the way he tosses it. Would someone really do that in an historic abbey? Yes, he's surrendering wholeheartedly into succumbing to her allure, but the cup toss feels a bit fast almost farcical. Secondly, when she discards her coat on the ground. She's obviously a woman who cares about her appearance & clothing, plus she's gone thru this process before. Perhaps it would have been more powerful if he'd curiously watched her remove & fold her coat, carefully placing it somewhere, or hanging it.

There's a directorial & editing choice that I wouldn't have minded some experimentation with. I like the idea that we see his eager face, as well as the other attempted suitor's face, but I'd rather not see her's. By seeing so much of her face in the garden, it's as if she's trying too hard & thus she loses a lot of her power. If we only were privy to fleeting glances of her from the side & back, mostly the hair, perhaps slowmo dancing in the breeze as she enticingly leads men astray. We can still see her legs & feet walking or entirety from the back, but not her face. I think the mystery levels would rise, then only in the final shots do we begin to see her face as the camera comes around, she's out of focus as we're moving in only to come into focus on her mouth as she drinks from the straw & slyly smiles. Fade to red.

Thanks for sharing, Reinout.