Perceiving your look: my very first short

Hi everybody.
I just realised my very first short. It tells the story of two strangers who meet in a park. They look at each other and something magical happens.

You can see the trailer here:



I completed the editing, but there is no music yet, You can see it anyway, if you liked the trailer, so you can tell me what you think.



I shot it with a Sony A55 and three lenses: Tamron 17-50 2.8 | Minolta 50mm 1.7 | Minolta 70 - 210 F4.

Today I decided to ask for some funding using Indiegogo ( www.indiegogo.com/perceivinglooks ) to pay for the composer.
I hope you like it. I am willing to receive your advice.

We can never get enough of Italian romance here (it's even in your avatar!). The trailer's great. Love the opening zooming shot. Music fits too. It would probably help to work on your color grading a bit. Almost every shot looks over exposed, the skin tones not so nice, blue sky washed out, sand almost white, etc.

In the actual film, I like the way it starts, bench dragging, it all works. Top of the cement block very over exposed, then as you pull back there's a aperture change which is jarring. Really like your passage of time, very slow fade of her on the bench, time lapse clouds, all good, though I might have plucked that one solo leaf (but maybe it symbolizes her). However, the way he walks in & sits on the block doesn't seem natural. It makes more sense if he comes in looking for the book. He's lost or forgotten it somewhere, then he see's it, reaction, notices the girl, etc. It might work better if he appears on screen from the background approaching.

Ironically the book bears the subtitle, men in awkward situations, nice touch. We need to see a bit of an awkward situation here, it appears too staged the way he sits like that on the block. If he approaches, see's his book, shows relief, he's been looking for it, therefore it must be somewhat important to him. Goes for the book, she hears him approaching, looks up from her book & turns to catch him going for the book. There's your awkward situation. He has to explain, because it looks like he's creeping up on her, or stealing a book or any kind of other awkward notions that people may think of (especially woman alone in a park). But then they laugh & we're into the encounter...

Walking thru the greenery is too dark, as is his face while playing Foosball. Later when we go back to that greenery place the establishing shot doesn't match the lighting of the medium closeups. That sort of continuity in brightness & color grading is a recurring theme throughout. Basically I'd say the whole thing needs more warmth in the color range. Or how about her fantasy of them is warm but then the coolness sets back in at the end as her lonely reality returns? Under the sheet, yet still fully clothed is typically female fantasy in nature, the laughing & smiling, I'd really like some sunlight leaking thru that sheet, warming the situation, even a top view outside their little tent, with the sheet puffing up in gentle undulation in slow motion thru a sunbeam. Or better yet, we see that little tent from the top, they're inside under the sheet, the camera is doing a slow zoom until the edges of the bed are outside the frame, then cross fade to the sheet doing its puffed slow undulation thru the sunbeam (props people fluffing the sheet from both sides of bed, out of frame, hands on all 4 corners) as the sheet comes down slowly the bodies are gone, the sheet lies flat, the warm sunlight goes as we revert to the cooler color temperature. The bed is empty. That might work better & be more dreamlike than the back to back, clenched fist pose.

Returning to her lonely world, I don't like her looking into the camera at the end. Perhaps if she were to look wistfully off in the direction he went (another reason I'd prefer him coming in from the background & leaving thru the foreground), with her mouth slightly open (it's too tightlipped for most of her screen-time), as if she's about to call out to him. Then she feels the sadness, realizing it's her own worrying that is sabotaging her chance at love. Looks down, forlorn.... then, back to her only friend... the self help book.

Probably the best color you have is in the shot of the 2 rocks at sea, or his first shot sitting by the fireplace (though in his second fireplace shot I don't like the bright yellow napkin), but all the color needs work. Especially since it's her fantasy romance, the colors should pop. Looks like your frame rate is too slow for the little dog's running, or maybe it's another Vimeo issue, either way he looks old timey jerky.

You've got a good sense for directing, as well as story, the humor in the scene where he eats the chicken's bread looks very natural.

The slow zoom out in our final shot is great except it stops before we fade to black, I'd prefer we were still tracking back as we fade out.

Nice work, thank you for sharing, Andy.

Hi TrixTrax9000!
Thank you for your analysis.

The color grading is a great problem for me. I don't have a neutral screen (I work on an iMac) and I am not able to understand if there is a lot of light or don't. Maybe I'll ask your help or I'll find someone on the forum willing to illustrate the work I have to do.

I downloaded DaVinci Resolve, but I am studying it and, first of all, I need to find my way in color grading. I hope to improve the color soon, maybe using your great advice.

The frame rate is slow, I know, it's A55's fault (25i, I hope to upgrade the camera soon).

Thank you for your time, you are always kind!

P.S.: She looks at the camera because I want to create the same situations she had with him between her and the viewers. Only difference: this time there is a screen between us and her.

I know, it's discutible, but I love that scene. Thank you for your amazing and detailed feedback! I love your ideas.

Looking at us breaks the 4th wall ( we go into that a bit here ), so we lose the emotion. If she looked out after him, slightly yearning, almost... but too timid to call... we would feel much more emotion, & again when she goes back to her book as the perfect epilogue. Trust me on this one.

Don't take on another program right now, Resolve is great, but learn color grading in FCPX first. There are many tutorial videos here, on youtube, everywhere. Just search "color grading FCPX."

You can get a warmer skin tone, bluer sky, warmer sand, etc, then inside FCPX, match that color automatically to all the shots that need it.